Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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