Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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