So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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