i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
