Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
