ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize