i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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