roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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