question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
