And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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