the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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