i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
