I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
