used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
