I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
