did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
