i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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