would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
