Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize