I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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