need another drink. this is the easiest way
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
