I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
