so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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