Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
