did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
