Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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