No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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