9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
