I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
