the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize