Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
