I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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