saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
