So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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