I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
