margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
