I looked at my own cervix.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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