Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Pooping to opera.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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