I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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