i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
