I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
