I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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