some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
