24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
