If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
