My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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