Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
two words...techno handjob
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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