Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize