mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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