Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
