and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
