I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize