I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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