I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
