i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
