Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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