I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize