i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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