I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
