plz talk dirty to me
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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