I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
