the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
