i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
