Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
