i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
