why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
