And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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