I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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