Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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