insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
