that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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