Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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