Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
