I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
