ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
