I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
