I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
