He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
