Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
