So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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