How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
