i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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