Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
