Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
