Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
