Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
