Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
These tits shall not be calmed
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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