I think I died a long time ago.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
