Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
