whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
