My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
