when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
