We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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