I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
