the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
