I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
