Betty ford says i'm here all night
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
