I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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