I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
