I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
