Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
