It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
