I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
