My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
